There is no part of me that wants to have sex with you right now and yet here we are
By Lillian | Posted: December 14, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Characters
Girl 1/Man’s Girl
Girl 2
Bathroom Woman
Man
On a screen or a card or some sort of projection, or maybe whispered: I’ve had three different types of orgasms. I don’t know how any of them happened.
SWITCH
In one corner, a bed. Lights up to a low dim on a girl in her bed. It is nighttime and she is in sexy lingerie. She is setting up her pillows meticulously, mounts them and immediately starts to moan like a porn star. I mean, if there’s any way to make this less abrasive and more humorous, do it – maybe it’s a male sex doll, or maybe it’s like a big stuffed animal, or something, but it shouldn’t look like real porn. She stops, readjusts the pillows, remounts and starts moaning again. She grabs her breast. She says something along the lines of “yeah you like that?” and then feels stupid. She stops. She alters the pillows. She pushes down the straps of her bra. She tries again and practically screams. The scream turns into a frustrated grunt. She pushes the pillows off the bed in frustration and then goes flops on the bed. Exits.
SWITCH
Female Sexual Arousal Disorder is similar to what used to be called frigidity. Female Sexual Arousal Disorder is characterized by a persistent or recurrent inability to attain, or to maintain until completion of the sexual activity, an adequate lubrication-swelling response that otherwise is present during female sexual arousal and sexual activity. Of course, there may be other factors involved. Or, of course, there may not be.
SWITCH
A man and a woman at the office making eyes. or really anywhere, but they’re making eyes. the man approaches the woman.
Man: Hey
Girl: Oh hi
Man: heeeyyy
Girl: hi
Man: soooo
Girl: yeah?
Man: I’m so…
Girl: you’re so…
Man: I had
Girl: uh huh
Man: No I
Girl: you what?
Man: this one time I
Girl: uh huh
Man: am I?
Girl: what.
Man: me?
Girl: sigh
Man: I just want
Girl: yeah, what?
Man: you
Girl: oh. me.
Man: you’re
Girl: what?
Man: you
Girl: I’m here
Man: oh yeah
Girl: I am
Man: you are
Girl: I’m from
Man: how cool
Girl: my ex was all like
Man: oh? your ex
Girl: I’m free
Man: thank god
Girl: you’re cool
Man: I’m in
Girl: for what?
Man: Are you free on Friday?
Girl: Oh! Yes. I am.
Man: hot
Girl: I’m hot!
SWITCH
A woman in a bathroom.
Woman: ugh! fuck my fucking cramps!
I’d take midol but it destroys my natural monthly emotional exhale, and I need that to get through my life. I look forward to the extremity of feeling, and the ability to yell FUCK YOU ALL I HAVE MY PERIOD I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. All my feelings finally have free range because, fuck I can’t control them. And its even better on the pill. oooo on the pill you feel like you’re going to explode from all the ups and downs. I love you, I’m crying, I hate you, you’re oppressing me, I’m confused, I’m sorry I have a lot more estrogen in my body than I should have normally so you’ll just have to excuse my uncensored emotional life.
FUCK MY CRAMPS HURT!
no but really, I mean, I’m tired of taking drugs to make my emotional range as limited as the Marlboro man. I am of water, of the moon, controlled by the tides and by the hormones of the women around me. I want, I don’t want, I want, I don’t want. I feeeeeeeeeeeeel things! I am the beauty of the earth shifting in space, I am the ever changing current of the sea at midnight, so you all can suck it. No. Really. I love my emotions. I cry during sex. I don’t care if I never get married.
She turns on a faucet and gets completely drenched. Like this is normal, she readjusts her make up in the mirror. Sound of dripping.
SWITCH
On a screen or a card or some sort of projection, or maybe whispered: where’s my gspot? search me! a boyfriend of mine found it once. I guess that makes it his.
SWITCH
the girl in her bed. It is dark.This time she is in a baby doll outfit. With pigtails.
She maneuvers the pillows. Rocks back and forth. Maybe makes a little girl noise. Gives up immediately. Exits.
SWITCH
two girls at a table.
1: this guy – he’s really great
2: good. he sounds great.
1: no, like really! he’s just fantastic
2: good
1: he’s smart and kind – you know how I knew he was kind? by his eyes. he’s just got the kindest eyes.
2: yeah. eyes are good indicators of that.
1: and so funny (laughs) he’s just – he’s just – hysterical – I mean – (still laughing) – the other day he said this thing (convulses in hysterics and waves the rest of the sentence away)
2: …
1: (composes herself) he seems to really like me too.
2: that’s important
1: yeah it is. it isn’t always the case though.
2: true
1: yeah
2: …
1: …
2: so good. he sounds great.
1: yeah. no. he is. he’s great.
2: is something wrong?
1: what? no. no really he’s great. it’s just – he’s just. I don’t know, it’s not really important
2: what…
1: he’s just not. that great. in bed. you know? he’s just. he’s just – kind of lame. sexually, that is.
2: how so?
1: well it’s just this one thing. I mean, he’s got that great body, he’s really hot. it’s just this one thing. he – he makes this noise, but he’s not really reacting off of anything that is actually happening. you know?
2: not really.
1: he’s making this noise, but it’s not really in response to anything I’m doing. it’s almost like it’s rehearsed, or like he’s watching a porno in his head and it doesn’t really have to do with the situation at hand.
2: ok
1: and worse than that, the noise he makes is this awful – ugh, just awful – it’s this noise like he’s eating something. like a ripe fruit or something really juicy. it’s not like a sex noise. it’s like … “mmmm oooo”
2: …
1: it really turns me off. it actually really creeps me out. actually. and I can’t have an orgasm. I haven’t had a single orgasm because I’m so weirded out by him in bed that I just can’t. but I don’t think he knows because I always fake it because I just hate the idea of him trying and trying to make me come – you know, that hyper masculine, I’m not a man unless I hear you whine baby, thing that men do – when he isn’t even really having sex with me, he’s having sex with a really great peach doing a strip tease in his head.
2: that makes sense.
1: …
2: …
1: ,,,
2: if it makes you feel any better, I’ve never had an orgasm during sex.
1: never?
2: not once.
1: ohhhh
2: so, there’s that.
1: yeah. that sucks. they’re really great.
2: I bet.
1: yeah.
2: … but I mean, if you’ve been having them, and now you’re not having them any more, that’s probably not a good sign for the relationship
1: sure…
2: …
1: but he does answer the phone every time I call. every time. so… that’s good.
SWITCH
A man and a girl at dinner, on a date. They make exaggerated movements to show their intentions/attentions.
Girl: Yeah?
Man: So
Girl: Totally.
Man: I felt
Girl: mmhmm
Man: When I
Girl: oohhh
Man: And then
Girl: yeah.
Man: I want
Girl: what?
Man: your body.
Girl: ohhh
Man: I’ll fuck you hard
Girl: woah
Man: I mean…
Girl: … yeah I could
Man: hard?
Girl: uh
Man: soft.
Girl: mm…
Man: hard.
Girl: yeah. YEAH.
Man: yeah?
Girl: oh yeah.
Man: oh! ok!
Girl: please
Man: thank you
Girl: you’re welcome
Man: awesome
SWITCH
two girls at a table.
1: I don’t really believe in heterosexuality
2: …
1: I’m not gay
2: I mean, that’s not…
1: It’s just that I’ve been thinking a lot about it and I just don’t think men and women want the same things.
2: don’t you think you’re generalizing just a little bit
1: no. women and men are different. I mean, not as different as society and cosmo tell us that we are, but still, we want different things, especially when it comes to sex. I just feel controlled and manipulated by men, and
2: and you don’t think you would feel manipulated by women if you were having sex with women
1: no I don’t. women are much more nurturing.
2: ok. I mean, some women are more nurturing. in certain environments, women can be very nurturing. but women can also be unbelievably cruel and manipulative
1: yeah but at least women aren’t always thinking about sex
2: … I don’t…
1: I think my experience is different because I’m a woman. and men want to penetrate me.
2: right
1: and not just that, but that I want them to penetrate me too!
2: right
1: and maybe that’s scary. Maybe that’s not the healthiest way to have a permanent and meaningful relationship with someone – to have them constantly be inside you but you’re never inside them. I mean, and the problem I keep running into is how can I ever have an equal un-patronizing, non-sexually frightening relationship with a man when I really really want him to dominate me and pound me into tomorrow?
2: woah
1: yeah
2: I think you’re doing yourself a big disservice thinking this way.
1: what? why?
2: well, I mean, you’ve just completely negated for yourself the possibility of ever having a permanent, sexually satisfying relationship with anyone.
1: right…
2: including yourself
1: …
SWITCH
the girl watches porn. she is by turns frustrated, bored and disturbed by what she sees. she imitates a few moves. gives up. she imitates a few facial expressions. she gives up. she turns it off.
SWITCH
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder is characterized as a lack or absence of sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity for some period of time. Of course, concepts of “normal” levels of sexual desire are culturally dependent. And perhaps gender dependent. Or perhaps not.
SWITCH
the same woman from the bathroom before, still dripping.
I haven’t had an orgasm in months.
…
Let’s be honest.
Turn ons: Sex
he’s turned on, and
you have sex
so… sex and him being turned on
knowing that I’m sexy enough to turn him on
when I’m alone? uh chocolate? haha kidding. …
um … porn I guess. sometimes. sometimes not. sometimes it makes me feel really inadequate. or sad.
so maybe sometimes not at all.
feeling beautiful. definitely. always.
Turn offs:
wondering if there’s something wrong with me…
SWITCH
the man and the girl on the floor of the room. Making out. He takes off her shirt. She starts to shiver violently. He looks concerned. She laughs. He smiles. Her teeth are chattering. He picks her up.
(yes god I’m a woman)
Man: you’re like a perfectly formed fruit.
(what?)
teeth chattering more violently. He carries her to the bed.
(take me)
he puts her down on the bed. He starts to take off her clothes. He makes a noise, but it doesn’t sound like he’s reacting off of anything
(I don’t want this)
she makes a similar noise. He makes a noise like he is eating something very good. She looks at him, teeth chattering
(stop)
she flips him over and puts herself on top of him, moving back and forth
(fuck. … fuck me)
he makes the noise again
Man: (in a creepy voice) I want to fuck you
Girl: … uh huh
Man: I want to fuck you do you want to fuck me
Girl: ….
no
(fuck)
man stops. Girl stops. Lights dim.
SWITCH
the whir of a vibrator. The girl enters determined. She lies on the bed and maneuvers the vibrator. She arches her back and spasms a bit. She starts to get into it. Ow. She has thrown out her back. Fuck this.